Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thus making me awesome and them whores
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
