The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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