You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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