If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
