You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
