Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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