the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
