if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
