I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
