Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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