Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
