you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
