Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
