We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
