I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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