life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
