I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
