I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So vagazzling was a success
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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