the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i came on her dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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