I got chris browned last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
