The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
