when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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