I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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