when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
