This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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