The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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