I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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