im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
