Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
