ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
