@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
