I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
