everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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