I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
