woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
