Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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