i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
