Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
