Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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