y did u give ur computer a hand job?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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