I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You're like the curious george of whores
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
