wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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