My first STD was from a foam party
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
