I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
