There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
