he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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