Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
