The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
