I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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