I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
